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Ультиматумы в отношениях

СообщениеДобавлено: Чт, 14 Ноя 2013 11:29 Ответить с цитатой
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Скажите, как вы понимаете понятия ультиматума, и как с ним бороться в отношениях?

Обычно, ультиматум это выставление условия: "Либо будет по-моему, либо никак". И приятного в нем очень мало.
Но мне кажется, что можно понимать его и чуть шире, когда человек один принимает решение за двоих, как оно должно быть. И он не ставит никаких условий. Он просто говорит: "Теперь всегда будет так" или, наоборот, "Больше этого никогда не будет". А когда ты говоришь, что тебе это не нравится, прибавляет: "Это не обсуждается. Тема закрыта."
Вот как на такое реагировать? Наверное, надо было спокойно сказать: "У тебя нет права решать за нас обеих, это наши отношения и решать мы должны вместе". Понятно, что не всегда можно договориться так, чтобы это устраивало обеих, но в данном случае меня очень цепляет слово "никогда". То есть, я сейчас хочу одного, она хочет другого, но она решила, что того, чего хочу я, не будет НИКОГДА. Делать скидку на эмоции я, честно говоря, устала.
В итоге, я ответила ультиматумом на ультиматум, сказав: "Я не буду с тобой разговаривать, пока ты не перестанешь говорить "НИКОГДА" (уточню, речь идет о виртуальном общении)
Правда, я добавила еще "и не извинишься". Но мне, правда, было очень больно, честно. Что человек, в некоторой степени, бросается отношениями. И хоть знаю, что не по злому умыслу, и не из-за недостатка любви, а просто из-за своего человеческого несовершенства. Но больно от этого не меньше.
Позже я осознала, что мне эти извинения нужны не как таковые, а для того, чтобы она подумала над ситуацией и что-то для себя поняла. Например, почему мне больно от такого ее поведения. Ну хотя бы попыталась понять. В общем, формально я от требования извинений могу отказаться, если ее гордость это задевает (мой отказ от них мою не заденет).
Тем не менее, что делать с ее ультимативным заявлением? С тенденцией такие заявления делать? Вообще-то раньше такого не было, но лиха беда начало...
Как надо было правильно отреагировать, чтобы не заводить отношения в тупик, но и показать при этом, что меня такое поведение не устраивает?

И вапщет неплохо бы понять, что делать сейчас. Потому что она ответила: "тогда прощаемся. извиняться ни за что не собираюсь. деньги тебе перечислю. и не тревожь меня больше".
Я скажу, что я уже неоднократно попадала в такие тупики, когда мне говорили: "Не звони; не пиши; оставь меня в покое", при том что реально чел всего этого не хотел. Поначалу было очень больно и именно ощущение тупика, но раз за разом становилось привычнее, легче, и я уже не так мучилась, думая, на самом ли деле она этого не хочет, когда начинала писать, звонить и говорить: "Я не оставлю тебя в покое, даже не надейся!" В общем, я могу написать и сейчас первая, но... смысл тогда было мне ей говорить: "я не буду с тобой общаться, пока...", ведь я это делала на достаточно трезвую голову, не под влиянием эмоций. И если я снимаю таким образом свой ультиматум, как мне бороться с ее???
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